Debriefing


Finally met the doctor who’s supposed to be responsible for the delivery of my twins.  He had a golf vacation planned during the week that one woman I know went into labor, but that’s one time and I’m not holding it against him.  She still got a fabulous delivery from another doctor in the practice and the delivery was performed according to the plan they had set up, so all in all everything worked out.

He gave me no trouble about the C-section, unlike some of the preachy nurses who wanted to make sure I knew that “God has a way he likes these things done,” whatever the fuck that’s about.  Seriously…I’ve got some issues with God’s method as opposed to the knock-her-out-with-the-good-drugs-and-leave-her-vajay-intact method.  Just sayin’.  If my doctor feels that it’s safe to go surgical with it then I say do it up.  And he does feel that it’s safe.  He was more than willing to sign on for that as well as the tubal ligation that the super religious nurses seemed to have issues with.

First of all, the way to get me to not do something is not to tell me that God doesn’t want me to do it.  Then I’m just going to go do it extra hard, just to be a bitch.  I’m sorry, but in my opinion – unless a client has expressed a deep spirituality herself – it’s inappropriate for a medical professional to impose her own religious views on the poor creature.  And by “inappropriate” I mean, of course, “absolutely fucking unforgivable and possible grounds for termination from the practice of medicine altogether.”

Furthermore, what is it with everyone pushing women to have more children?  I understand that the procedure is permanent (if done properly).  That’s, you know, why I fucking want it.  I understand that it’s not a decision to make without careful thought and consideration but come on.  People are allowed to get married with less heckling from the peanut gallery.  Why is it so hard to believe that a woman approaching thirty, who is of sound mind and competent to say the very least might want to close up shop and put the old uterus out to pasture?  I mean, the one time it was called to action it wound up spitting out extra parts anyway, so…you know.  My husband and I are 50% above plan.  We know our limits financially and emotionally.  I was emphatically anti having kids before we got serious.  When we got serious I looked deep within myself and made the decision that one kid might not usher in the apocalypse.  Now we’re having two and I’m just saying let’s quit while we’re ahead.

Oh, but super evangelical nurse practitioner lady is probably the type of woman who would also argue against her right to make decisions about her own reproductive system.  I never understood that.  Legislating that some woman, at some point in time, might be allowed to have an abortion/tubal ligation/other serious work done on her undercarriage does not mean that every woman is required to do so.  Why would anyone with a uterus not want complete control over it?  I really, really don’t understand that.  No one is strapping you down and making you have a partial birth abortion, ladies.  No one is vacuuming your fetus out and doing weird science experiments on it if you don’t sign off on it.  So mind your business and let the women who know what they can and cannot handle make those decisions.

Okay.  I just got really angry at that nurse practitioner.  Let me just say that it was nice to finally talk to someone – someone with a penis, no less – who had no personal interest in forcing me to leave my tubes intact or destroy my love tunnel in the name of Life.  I’m giving that dude a mental fist bump right now.  Right on, brother.

Also, he hipped me to this dude.  He bought a woodcut that the guy did of La Llorona.  My OB is fucking harsh.  I love it.

Additionally, my sugar was good after only the 1 hour test, so I got to avoid the horrible three-hour test.  My blood pressure has gone up but is still well within normal range, so the elephantiasis of my feet and ankles really is just normal swelling – nothing to be done about it.  Damn it all.  I get another sonogram in two weeks so we’ll get to be very sure that I am, indeed, having two girls in two months (keep your fingers crossed that whatever they are they’re the same sex.  The longer we can put off thinking about a separate bedroom for one of them the better).  We’ll also get an idea on how much of this weight I’ve gained is baby.  I know it’s going to be very little, but still.  It would help to know that at least some of it really is their fault and not my poor excuses for emotional food choices.  So…good day.

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